About Us . My Husband Hates My Daughter! 4 Ways To Fix A Broken Relationship It's never easy when feelings like this are not returned, but she needs to accept that a relationship with this guy seems to be a non-starter. Ask the dentist: Why can some people not cope with the word 'fat'? Wendy, this advice could not have been better. Go to a murder mystery night and talk about Sherlock. They had all sorts of questions about those eras of American history, and we watched a couple of documentaries, and then I get my kids coming in and going, Hey, there was a thing on The History Channel this weekend about Salem, and I made my dad watch it! And then in American history, they were studying colonial America just after we read it, and so I get the history teachers going, Holy shit, thank you! Ha! Ive never had anyone go, Oh my gawwwwwwd, PL, whyyyyyyyyyy? I fell in love with football and cooking and baseball, which were things he loved. (This led me to be labeled as the quitter.) But you know what. Criticism gets internalized so much more easily at certain ages and coming from certain people something everyone should be more aware of. The variables didnt add up, but you were determined to hang in there and solve the situation by wits and endurance. I think what Wendy is missing in her response is dealing with the fathers attitude towards his daughters interests. lets_be_honest painted_lady Parents can gaslight their children and definitely their daughters-in-law, whether they realize that's what they're doing or not. Cant we at least celebrate that the things listed like Harry Potter probably indicate that the daughter is reading a lot of books not a bad thing , lets_be_honest Other times, you may have felt you were doing everything right to get a predictable outcome, but your efforts were unproductive or even erased. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. July 2, 2013, 12:29 pm. Spyglassez The fact that you cant appreciate the beauty of T-Swifts prose is mildly concerning. Thinks hes hilarious). If he wants her to take an interest in his hobbies, he needs to feign interest in hers. The whole time I was reading the letter, I was thinking, Shit if he acts like this toward his daughter, how does he treat his wife? If he hadnt put in the time when I was a kid, I doubt wed have that relationship. If youre respectful and kind to each other, theyll be more likely to follow suit. Ross was telling me the other day that his dad took him deep sea fishing a couple times when he was younger. I agree mostly with your last paragraph, but I wonder how close the LWs perception of the assignments is to reality or whether it might actually be closer to what you described. I see his point to some extent. Team sports, outdoorsy, tomboyish stuff. Im just saying that indicates very little to me. Anyway, we had to go visit one of his aunts who was dying in the hospital, and my dad admitted to me that he didnt WANT to go and said he was dreading it (which was not something hed normally say to me), but that sometimes you have to do stuff you dont want to do. If your husband wants a good relationship with his daughter he must first quit disparaging her and her interests and he must quit rolling his eyes. They wouldnt do that, would they? I think some of Wendys advice is accurate, you need to encourage the relationship between father and daughter. But you can help your daughter learn to cope with her feelings and manage her relationship with her father. But it was annoying. What this may be in your husband's case is anyone's guess. lets_be_honest Is It My Fault If My Partner And Daughter Dont Get Along? He is an adult and should act like one- his daughter will model her behavior off of his and what she is learning now is why bother respecting those with different interests. They loved the entire concept and they loved the show. Anytime someone starts a comment with an um, I dont bother reading it because its bound to be condescending. I wouldnt say they are musical magicians or anything, but they can still put on a good show. July 2, 2013, 1:18 pm, Um, both piano recitals and spelling bees are CONSTRUCTIVE activities Fangirling? July 2, 2013, 11:15 am. So, tell your husband to make an effort with her rather than making her feel like shit about her choices. And in the end its the time together, more than what youre actually doing, that makes the difference. Obviously, this is as much your husbands job as it is yours, but right now it seems hes threatened by the bond you share with your daughter and is acting childish. Ive grown up to be a very accomplished writer, and my dad loves to read what I write. July 2, 2013, 11:04 am. I know from personal experience. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,600],'therelationshipnotes_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_9',134,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-therelationshipnotes_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0');Ultimately, its up to you whether or not you want to stay in a relationship with someone who doesnt get along with your child. But you seem to have past that point long ago) Just as your husband has tried to cultivate in her his interests. The things she listed that her daughter is into isnt mindless pop culture. This year I took her to the Botanical Gardens not my first choice of activities, but it was a nice day and the gardens are pretty. Oh, and he thinks TV can actually teach somebody something more relevant than the fact that its both rather silly and stupid to be a Vampire Slayer Not too mention angst-filled. Frankly, I dont know ANYBODY who had such strange mutual worships WITH their parents I dunno, back in the 1980s most parents were actually grown ups, I guess. She occasionally plays them with her friends but she could care less whether she wins or loses because she doesnt care for them and so she isnt invested in the game. 23 Signs Your Partner Is Mentally Abusive - Bustle And my fingers are still crossed for you , kerrycontrary He never rolled his eyes at me or made me feel less because of what I liked. July 2, 2013, 4:37 pm. Ive always found board games to be boring and so does my daughter. Did I fight with my dad as a teenager? And of course. Just saying, theyre definitely still popular. So as not to be hurt again, they simply avoid situations where they think they will need to expose their feelings or emotions. July 2, 2013, 12:31 pm, Happy birthday to your mom! Theres forcing your kids to do something outside of their comfort zone, normal range of interests which I am ok with and then theres refusing to listen to music in the car EVER? Heck, I even had a stringer attached to my waders. July 2, 2013, 1:26 pm. Older and (hopefully) wiser lets_be_honest I used to whine like crazy when my dad tried to teach me about cars or home improvement, or talk about politics. Discuss that there are other things to talk about sure. I remember how happy my dad was to spend time with me and to share something with me that he was so passionate about. And I really do think he has been 100%, maybe even 110% put on the back burner. Good musicals can be complex and beautiful and again, deal with some pretty mature themes. Huge!! July 2, 2013, 4:19 pm. A father-daughter relationship is one of the most important relationships a girl can have. Id definitely address his eye-rolling and tell him it is likely going to drive her away, but I also think that if you make an effort to stop excluding him, you might find his behavior improving. FOR the past four months, my friend has been chasing a guy at college. I cant believe you didnt address that. It sounds like your husband feels really left out and is more just reacting than being proactive about changing things. This part is simple: You must never let them in a vehicle with this man driving. My husband is driving me crazy over my daughters wedding Here are eight ways to tell if your partner is harming your relationships with your family. . These were followed up by hours and hours of This Old House, which we were required to sit through for family time but we werent allowed to speak at all during the show, lest my father miss something. I mean freak out and force your kid to read something if they cant, not if you dont like that they choose to read Harry Potter in their free time. I mean you describe your partner (who sounds amazing BTW) as cultivating her interests and introducing her to things which doesnt sound like what this dad is doing. Well-intentioned, devoted partners of crazy-making people can become obsessed with trying to find the magic potion that will make their partners happy and appreciative of their efforts. July 2, 2013, 4:01 pm. I was shocked that a father is rolling his eyes and telling his daughter that her interests annoy him. It may take years and years before the pay-off is apparent. Remember, your relationship with your spouse should come first. By keeping a few key things in mind, you can make headway in even the toughest situations. Honestly, I think those first two sentences were the best point Wendy made. Yeah, unless you get something you cant do like spell backwards while jumping on one foot, then it just sucks, and you feel stupid. Husband treats 15 year old step son badly : r/Advice lbh based on the LWs description do you really think this is the same as your experience? Maybe they both like pizza or Indian food or something; then Dad can take her out to dinner or cook with her. And while my mom certainly cultivated my love of our mutual interests, she also encouraged me to participate in some of my dads interests, too. Shes not talking about the Kardashians, but is talking about shows/books that mature, intelligent adults like. Wendys relationship with her parents as a young girl feels ridiculously close with my relationship with my parents. Thats awesome! Settlers of Catan! July 2, 2013, 12:30 pm. Yes! A highly critical parent or parents, resulting in a high sensitivity to being judged on performance. We had some past issues that affected our relationship. What if your partner rolled his eyes and engaged in ever escalating arguments would you keep pushing them together!?! The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. I grew up with my dad frequently clipping newspaper articles he wanted us to read, and instigating family learning moments around the table. Asshole My son had his wedding days ago. During the summer especially, our kids both have homework that may include working on actual homework-like assignments or getting a privilege after answering X number of questions correctly on our American Trivia game (history, pop culture, geography, etc). The thing that really gets me is that my brother, who is not very bookish, isnt doing that well in his classes and only my mother seems to care. Hmm, maybe. The mother is at a loss as to why her husband is driving her daughter away, but she has a few theories. Mother of a Fangirl. This young girl sounds like shes already quite cultured! Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. So I cant agree that it is never ok. Theres a true difference between good natured humor and cruelty (even if some people claim it is the the former when it is really the latter) and kids need to be exposed to the former. Great lesson to learn from your dad. Awesome show full of information. Seriously, this guy is an asshole. One of the strangest experiences of my life was attending a Sci-Fi convention with her on a lark where we learned she is on a Franklin Mint plate!! July 2, 2013, 12:06 pm. As always, your anonymity is golden. Wendy, I too got the us against him mentality from this LW. The How I Met Your Father star welcomed her son, Luca, with ex-husband Mike Comrie in 2012. Its not cool that Dad is rolling his eyes at his daughters interests and hobbies. I agree with everything Wendy said, and your daughter will certainly benefit from spending quality time with him, even if they arent doing things that she necessarily enjoys. My mom begged me to stay close so I went to one about 3 hours away but it was in the city she grew up in and all of my family was there. Ask Erin: I'm Exhausted By My Daughter's Depression | Ravishly But he always treated me like an adult and respected and loved me and I think he had a huge hand in making me a pretty confident 24 year old woman and I know what I want and deserve from boyfriends. A perfect starting point would be just a general interest activity, like board games or going to get ice cream. He would watch Full House or something with us. I take little credit for how lucky I am. I said that she is acting like she has nothing in common with her husband anymore, because she likes the samethings as her daughter, and that is all she ever talks about. My dad said to me that the best thing you can do as a parent is expose your kid to all of their options and let them decide from there. I dont know where that gene comes from I know I dont have it. Weird. But he let them happen, and would use them to talk to me about other books or stories that would expand my horizon. Is it forcing or is it parenting? Did I love that stuff? No we're not on speaking terms after he decided to sell his grandmother's home (my wife's mother) instead of keeping it. Parent first, friend second. July 2, 2013, 12:57 pm. But no amount of time spent is going to make an experience with someone who doesnt really respect you as you are more enjoyable. Others see him as a bully and a hole. You are so stupid, get some real hobbies.. Meanwhile, hed try to force what he thought was important onto me. Yikes, I shouldve known better than to comment on a cult show Sorry! When I was a kid, my mom was always kind of a dick about going to see my dads family, so it was usually just him and me. I agree, but the father didnt ask for advice, the mom did and we all know you can only control your own actions, so because of that, I think the advice given was spot on. Absolutely Dad! And so does dad. The mother is at a loss as to why her husband is driving her daughter away, but she has a few theories. And something about him wanting the daughter to be more competitive just struck me the wrong way. I love this woman, but theres no pleasing her. I resented how I wasnt allowed to pursue my own interests, and how the only interaction from my father was doing something he wanted or berating us about not having his interest and how stupid our own interests were. Randi Gunther, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and marriage counselor practicing in Southern California. 6napkinburger Seriously though, Joss Whedon writes amazing TV his shows are some of the best the medium has to offer. Why should your husband treat her that way?? How many parents have to watch a certain movie a million times or have to listen to a certain band on repeat. Think "he's a big boy" "He's a grown man. My point is, you have cultivated these interests in your daughter. July 2, 2013, 3:46 pm. than it is to have fun with them although you should have fun while doing so. Maybe not the way it is being done (which Im not sure how that is) but it is possible to make it fun and even do it as a family. 15 Mother-In-Law Behaviors That Deserve a Punch in the Face - Scary Mommy Also, I want to tell an awesome story about my dad. Placing a child in the position of having to be loyal to one parent at the expense of the other parent is heinous and very damaging to the child. July 3, 2013, 3:26 am, You probably know this already but Meribor = Picards daughter. July 2, 2013, 12:02 pm, Obviously, but thats just because youre wrong and not because of the certain, lasting trauma it will cause for lil. WWS. I realized at a young age that compromise was an important thing in a relationship. Your Family Doesn't Want To See You Together. July 2, 2013, 10:32 am. (Kept me sane), Astronomer The fact that he is open to sharing his interests with her is key thats going to be where the relationship develops. The daughter goes hiking, but the father cant say anything nice when his daughter talks about her interests. What is arguable? You will learn from all of them. Hed come out and hit the ball or play catch or Horse. But as a kid/teen, I wanted him to play. I would call that well-rounded. July 2, 2013, 11:46 am. Her mission is to share practical and realistic parenting advice to help the parenting community becoming stronger. This can cause a lot of tension in the family. I cried myself to sleep. Would have I rather been at the mall or curled up on the couch with a good book? Agreed. They loved it, I hated it. You just have to learn to ignore that. 2 weeks later his wife tried killing him, leaving him in the hospital for 3 months. bittergaymark I think your daughter will be too, if you listen to Wendy.. lets_be_honest July 2, 2013, 11:03 am. July 15, 2013, 3:10 pm. I Want to Divorce My Unbelievably Selfish Husband - Slate Magazine I AM going to say, though, that they are a *substantial* part of why all of that happened. I dont know that I really have a favorite anymore I just like that theyre together again. Youre right, though. Sometimes it can be a simple matter of communication, or a lack thereof. His father worked out of town 5 days a week and was hunting on the weekends during hunting season, so my husband would see him maybe one day a week. I simply didnt get it.) And we always managed to have fun and more than a few laughs. For one mother, this nightmare is a reality, as her husbands behavior is pushing her daughter away. If both parents are making an effort to connect, I think 12 is an acceptable age to understand that things arent always about you, and sometimes we do things for other people just because we love the person if not the activity. My daughter is driving my husband away | Talk About Marriage I mean, you cant FORCE a kid to like camping. Yes. I would let him know that you are going to encourage her to hangout with him more, but he needs to also every once in a while do something she loves. My dad really, really loves talking about the 60s, and some aspects of it, like the space race, I care about but dont really find compelling enough to discuss, but other parts, like the JFK assassination, Im fascinated by, so we talk about that a lot, along with the Civil Rights movement and what it was like to watch (he was there! When you think you know what to expect or how to deal with them, they change the rules, seemingly arbitrarily. We laughed because the one garden that got me actually excited and interested (the Japanese gardens) was her least favorite and is also my dads favorite type of gardens. Dream! June 30, 2022 by Team The Relationship Notes. But what I really remember is my dad listening to me tell him about whatever I was interested in. He may think that if she leaves the home then shell be safe from his alcoholism. Good luck! She gets too invested in her daughters life. I mean, maybe? Honestly, it doesnt dominate my life My improv group had NO idea I was into Star Wars until it came up in a scene and my knowledge of it was rather startling to ALL involved. AITA for saying my husband's ex is interfering? Everyone can have a relaxing hobby. A parent should NEVER make fun of their child. Related- History Channel has some great programming thats HIGHLY educational but fun to watch. Oh and shes also going hiking with her dad this weekend because I told her to suck it up and get her ass in gear and tell her dad she wants to go, oh and shes also taking spinning classes with him this fall because her size 0 ass isnt gonna last forever with the way she eats spaghetti since she shares my DNA. FIONA SAYS: Gently and with tact, though she's still likely to be upset. Tom Pettys Southern Anthem was the first CD I ever owned. Obviously, this is as much your husbands job as it is yours, but right now it seems hes threatened by the bond you share with your daughter and is acting childish. By virtue of him going about his business, I was interested and wanted to participate. LW, you should probably rationally explain to your husband that eye rolling is unacceptable. Saying his mom walked out because he hates him. Watching their relationship blossom into a father-daughter one makes me realize how lucky I was when he became family to us. Though they might not always like what they hear or see, they are not typically faced with unexpected surprises or unpredictable outcomes. And its in your daughters interest to have a strong relationship with her dad. As you agree, there needs to be a balance and it sounds like Dad is the only one whose realized that. That doesnt mean you cant enjoy shared interests together, but just do so as mother and daughter, not BFFs. lets_be_honest Can Someone Else Drive My Car? | American Family Insurance - amfam.com Thats unfortunate (to say the least! That is why he is pushing her to explore new things. You May Not Know These 8 Things Are Pushing Your Husband Away - Lifehack i ask my son to pay 250.00 a month to pay car insurance and cell phone. What makes a person so hard to please or so unwilling to be predictable? The daughter will then learn to respond in similar (asking others about their hobbies, showing genuine interest, accepting of differing hobbies). I even managed to convince him to watch Firefly (he loves Jayne. He likes baseball, but he doesnt want to go to games, he likes golf, but he doesnt ever go, he likes history, but he doesnt really like books, hell watch something about the JFK assassination if its on the history channel but cant be bothered to pop in a DVDgift giving, really, is impossible, as is spending time with him that doesnt involve eating. If your daughter is still willingly doing these activities I dunno since most teenagers are rather bratty and self absorbed and not keen on doing things they dont enjoy Id hazard a guess she finds them more fun than you would like. Hell, even back in my day it wasnt that hard. For some reason I keep imagining LWs husband as Red Foreman and her daughter as Eric. Right, but it didnt seem, to me, like Jennifer was allowing for that distinction. Whatever the reason, an alcoholic father can be very manipulative and controlling. Nope, not from Scranton. Why is my husband driving my daughter away?. Then Id tell you to keep pushing for her to spend time with you. I think its great that he invites her and wants to share his interests with her. lemongrass This is exactly my experience, too. We watched Space Camp WAY too many times and tried astronaut ice cream together. And hed be more likely to help her find an actual interest, not just an ability to tolerate. The point here is that Mom seems to allow her to only have interest in those things, which is bad. So basically my husband has been their father as their biological father rarely sees them,maybe once or twice a year. I watched a show about what would happen if aliens were discovered, and I know there are some about how realistic certain science fiction shows are.